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| 1. Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones Director: George Lucas | |
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Reviews (1926)
First, I would open the movie where the main character of the movie -The Jedi- freefalls some 10,000 stories in a sprawling metropolis, all the while narrowly missing multitudes of careening hovercrafts which literally filled the sky, only to finally land safely inside one of them just in the nick of time, nanoseconds before he was about to slam into the ground. Secondly, I would include the most bland, personality-less, emotionally-uninspiring actors and actresses I could find. Also, I would incorporate pseudo-Greek cultural and archeological elements throughout the movie (which had no relevancy to the sci-fi theme of the movie) so as to confuse the viewer as to what planet...or planets the movie was taking place in...or what universe and epoch(s) for that matter. I'd include several pseudo-romantic scenes where there wasn't an iota of emotion or chemistry between the two love birds and whose forced, stimulated 'romantic scenes' seemed to serve no purpose, either. I would then attempt to completely destroy...annhilate the original Star Wars's sacred notion of the force -as being stimulated and channeled by spirituality and mind over matter- and any drama associated with it as well. MY notion would be that the measure of one's force can be determined by analyzing mitochondrial DNA samples to tally the number of antibodies present in the protoplasm. Next, I would blow away the concept of the original Star Wars's wimpy 2-jedi battle scenes with an epic magnitude-12 mega battle scene which consisted of 10,000 jedis and 100,000 jedi foes engaged in flipping-through the-air somersault kung fu moves that render the likes of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and all '70s special-effects-laden Chinese kung fu flics obsolete. You thought that Luke Skywalker jumping 10 feet out of a carbon freeze container was cool? Could Luke Skywalker stay airborne for 10 seconds all the while throwing barrages of backroundhouse kicks and punches? Screw that punchless Luke Skywalker single-blade lightsaber. Behold, I introduce the double-edged light saber which all jedis are equipped with. FULLY FUNCTIONAL AND OPERATIONAL. Only an elite and intelligent class of human being can be a jedi? Not anymore. Any living, crawling, oozing intelligence-devoid parasite, wingless bat or orc -of any gender-can be a jedi. Finally, I would end the movie with Kung Fu/Force-Master Yoda defeating the Master Evil Jedi with triple and quintuple cartwheel backroundhouse kicks and punches, while airborne, and lightning-fast Tae Kwan Do slaps and curled finger combinations that would put Jackie Chan to shame. The very last scene of the movie would end with the Evil Jedi Master becoming so angry, because of his defeat, that his head grew to the size of a large balloon, then exploded with the force of 20 grenades. Maybe I'd include that scene only in the UNCUT version. The result: The sci-fi sequel to "Big Trouble in Little China" -Big Trouble in Little Greece: Attack Of The Kung Fu Robots...or as some people may prefer to call it -Star Wars II: Attack Of The Clones.
Best Parts: That's it. Everything else in these films is an utter joke. I could go on for many paragraphs, but I'll spare you. You gotta realize that there was a reason George didn't direct Empire or Jedi. He's an awful director. He has no ear for dialogue. The newer digital film process looks really awful. Only good ol' George could manage to waste the talents of Christopher Lee, Sam Jackson, Ewan McGregor, and Natalie Portman. And I think Hayden Christensen is the only other actor who possesses Keanu Reeves' atrocious wooden technique. His Anakin doesn't possess darkness, just stupidity. I hope Lucas gets a tumor in that fat double chin of his. If you don't like it, sue me. He's destroyed the meaning of my childhood favorites, so the hell with him. Do you really think the next film is going to make up for it? Only if it's about four hours long and is directed by someone else.
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| 2. Enchanted April Director: Mike Newell | |
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Amazon.com Reviews (77)
Each of the actors, from Alfred Molina to Joan Plowright to the little known but charming Josie Lawrence, give fine performances. Based on the Elizabeth von Arnim novel, two repressed English women seek adventure and find it when they vacation in an Italian villa. The villa seems to change everyone's mood and outlook in life. It's similar in theme to "A Room With A View". Shot on what had to be a shoestring production, the story, the actors and the camerawork more than make up for any limitations of budget. The film tops off with a satisfying ending that will leave you in a mood quite the opposite of what most films do today. When was the last time that happened?
When an ad is placed in the paper offering a vacation of wisteria and sunshine at a castle by the sea in Italy, two Englishwomen, Lottie (josie Lawrence) and Rose (Miranda Richardson), who are friends from church, leave their mates behind to join two other women for an April to remember. Hesitant at first, everything changes on their first morning there when Lottie opens her bedroom shutters upon the most beautiful vista she has ever seen. She is flooded with love and seems to have a deeper understanding of the human heart than ever before. Sharing the villa and its enchantment are an older woman with quite a past, and a stunning socialite tired of being pawed at by men. Joan Plowright is delightful as the elderly Mrs. Fisher, who begins to live again under the spell of wisteria and sunshine. But it is beautiful Polly Walker's portrayel of Caroline Hester, with her magic eyes and Louise Brooks look, that nearly steals the show. The internal musings of Lottie and Rose prompt both women to do the unthinkable and send for their husbands, bringing humorous and unexpected events to this April on the Riviera. Each will begin to find inner happiness and a rebirth of love. Even Caroline, who wanted to be alone, will discover love and beauty beyond her appearance. Few films have the depth to sooth the soul and leave you feeling good about life like this magical film. Take your own enchanted holiday by picking this up as soon as you can.
AS you can imagine, this film is a satire or lampoon of the attitudes and mores of the 1930s which is when this story takes place. But don't worry, it's not a stuffy old boring period piece--far from it! This is an immensely enjoyable and accessible film that will really delight you. Very easy to follow and enjoy, very amusing and funny. David Rehak | |
| 3. Charlotte's Web Director: Charles A. Nichols, Iwao Takamoto | |
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Reviews (34)
This DVD is only better than it's 12-inch LaserDisc cousin due to the widescreen transfer. However, the color is poor, the print they took the transfer from appears severely damaged in several places, the film jitter and weave is completely unwatchable. The sound is monaural and appears to be color-matched and sound equalized to look and sound good on the TV's of the early 70's when the film came to home video the first time. It's as if someone played a 16MM classroom print of the film on a classroom projector, aimed a camera and a microphone at the classroom projector and then used that for the DVD master.
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| 4. The African Queen Director: John Huston | |
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Amazon.com essential video Reviews (52)
The movie begins in German East Africa, September 1914 with the Germans invading and destroying a small town that missionaries Samuel and Rose (brother and sister) are living in. After the Germans take all the natives away Samuel falls ill and dies. Mr. Alnutt (sailor of the African Queen), the man who delivers their mail, comes around and Rose goes with him for safety reasons. They hide (Mr. Alnutt feels the Germans will want his boat) and discuss what to do next. With the war all around them, they need to figure a way out of there. With much pushing on Rose's part they decide to go down a very difficult river and torpedo a German ship to help their country. The scenery and the wild animals are amazing to behold. I love when Rose calls Charlie "a coward". This very different pair has many adventures. This is why the movie is considered so good!
Humphrey Bogart won his only Oscar for his role, while Katherine Hepburn chalked up another one of her 12 career nominations. This film is pure cinema-candy. How can anyone NOT love this movie??? Highly recommended.*****
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| 5. Move Over Darling Director: Michael Gordon | |
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Amazon.com Reviews (39)
Ellen Wagstaff Arden (Doris Day) has been trapped on an Island for years with Chuck Connors. She is rescued and brought home to her home in sunny California! When she gets to her home she finds out that her Nick (James Garner) Has gotten married again from her sweet mother in law Eve Ardern (Thelma Ritter) she also finds out that he took his new wife to their hotel that they went to when they were married! Well she gets mad about this and tells him to get rid of his new wife or else she goes but no matter hard he tries he can't tell his new wife this! So they go on with a charade! To go back home Nick fakes breaking his back and when they go back to his home Ellen is faking to be a Sweedish Masseur and she tries to strangle his new wife! Well this movie ends well as do all of Miss Day's Movie! All and all a great movie for the whole family!
Doris Day is at her best and James Garner is good too. Highly recommended but please vote for this movie to get on DVD! ... Read more | |
| 6. The Wizard of Oz Director: Richard Thorpe, King Vidor, Victor Fleming | |
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Reviews (339)
A true masterpiece! Excellent polt, characters, music and more. It holds an emotional presents that will touch everyone's heart and wish they were in the Land of Oz! See it and live through the magic of this timeless classical film of wonders.
The DVD extras are a mind-boggling embarrassment of riches. The "Making Of" documentary hosted by the incomparable Angela Lansbury is worth the price of the DVD alone, but there's so much more: an international poster gallery, interviews with cast members, deleted scenes, production stills, radio clips, etc, etc. There's enough material to keep even the most casual viewer fascinated for hours, and a true Oz buff will be occupied for days! If you only bought a DVD player to watch this one disc, it would well be worth the expense. Treat yourself, and fall in love with this classic film again ... for the first time.
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| 7. Sideways Director: Alexander Payne | |
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Amazon.com Reviews (305)
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| 8. Raiders of the Lost Ark Director: Steven Spielberg | |
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Amazon.com essential video Reviews (134)
Harrison Ford is Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr., a college professor but also a renowned archaeologist. The story is set in 1936, with WWII going on. After coming back from a 'trip', Indiana and his friend Dr. Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott) are visited by some government people who have some very serious news. The Nazi are very close to finding the lost Ark of the Covenant, hoping to use its holy powers to win the war for them. Indiana certainly jumps for the chance of recovering the Ark and agrees to try to find it before the Nazi. But he knows to find out it's whereabouts, he must find the medallion crystal piece which can pinpoint the Ark's exact location. With this knowledge, Indiana travels to look for Marion Ravenwood (Karene Allen), whom he knows has what he is looking for. But the Nazi, along with their French archaeologist Rene Belloq (Paul Freeman), are hot on his trail. It's up to Indiana, Marion, and good friend Sallah (John Rhys-Davies), to recover the Ark of the Covenant. With plenty of action and adventure, this movie is sure to please anyone. It's a wonder how Indiana Jones can stumble on from one danger into another without getting killed! There's also plenty of wry and witty humor to keep you laughing and smiling. I must also mention the acting which is done superbly. There's Sallah who is faithful and trustworthy and Marion who's hardheaded, strong-willed, and ready to face anything. But the one who really carries the film is of course Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. He is just PERFECT for the part and I can never, ever imagine anyone else playing the part. He's the perfect hero and adventurer (even if he hates snakes, hee hee!) A must-see, I can recommend this movie for anyone, though I must agree that it would be pretty scary for younger kids, especially the end. Two other Indiana Jones films are "The Temple of Doom" and "The Last Crusade". In my opinion "The Last Crusade" can measure up to "Raiders of the Lost Ark", with talented actor Sean Connery playing Indiana Jones father. "The Temple of Doom" was so-so. Now when are the DVD's coming out for these three films?
For Han Solo fans, Indiana Jones will look quite familiar. Harrison Ford is perfect as the lovable, adventurous, intelligent, basically moral, semi-scoundrel. The action is non-stop, as is the tension. There is an abundance of escape-from-imminent death scenes, along with plenty of humor and good scenery (watch for the scene when Indy is confronted, shoot-out style, in the streets of Egypt). The musical score fits the film perfectly as well. The special effects aren't quite up to today's standards, although they're still none too shabby. Overall, action-adventure movies don't get any better than this.
It is a good action film, as long as you don't question some of the scenes. Could Nazi Germany have military forces in 1936 Egypt? Could German Schmeisser sub-machine guns be found in 1936 Nepal? I don't believe so. I suspect these scenes were copied from the 1940 serials that entertained moviegoers. "Indian Jones" will entertain you as an action adventure story with a multitude of cliches from long-forgotten films. Sliding under the truck recalls Yakima Canute's famous stunt. Some scenes seem far-fetched to me (when you think about it). Could Indiana Jones on a horse overtake a convoy of trucks? The theme music came from the 1948 film "Don Juan" starring Errol Flynn (rarely seen on TV). The chase through the maze of streets reminds me of 1940 cartoons. Other scenes may be derived from other old movies (the truck knocking down scaffolding from "Abbot & Costello Meet the Keystone Kops"). A few sequels were made, but it failed to be translated into a television series. Just like "Jaws".
From the director of "Jaws" and the creator of "Star Wars" comes the adventure film that all others in its genre are held up to, "Raiders of the Lost Ark". After twenty-three years and counting, I can honestly say that the film has yet to be outmatched (sure there have been good action/adventure films since "Raiders", including its own sequels, but I haven't seen a film that has had an indeliable, definitive impact that "Raiders" has left in a long time, possibly since the original "Star Wars") Hired by the U.S. Government, archeologist/adventurer, Indiana Jones is on a race against evil to retrieve the lost Ark of The Covenent, the chest that contains the original stone tablets of the Ten Commandments. The ones that Moses brought down from Mount Harab and smashed. When was the last time YOU went to Sunday School!? Along the way Indiana meets up with an ex-girlfriend of his, Marion Ravenwood, outraces and dukes it out with legions of Nazis, and has plenty of close calls including a truck chase, The Well of Souls and its snakes (& Indiana's deathly phobia of them), a slugfest with a mechanic and his flying wing, and the opening of the Ark itself (lets just say GOD isn't to happy when mortals decide to open the Ark & sift through its contents). An absolute modern-day classic. Why? "Raiders"' opening, from the Paramount logo to the natives chasing Dr. Jones, the bar fight, the basket chase, The Well of Souls, the truck chase (that alone gets 5 stars), the opening of The Ark in all its glory, John Williams' Oscar nominated score, I could go on all day long, but, you get the drift. What gives the film its drive (and where the sequels fail) is the urgency & danger of retrieving the Ark and the competitiveness between Indiana Jones and the Frenchman, Renee Belloq (the film imposes, early on, that these two have been competitors since there college days). I got this on cassette for Xmas 1984 and I burnt the tape out. Thank God for DVD. Nominated for 8 Oscars including Best Picture, Director (Steven Spielberg), Original Score and winning 4 of those awards including Best Sound & Visual Effects. The American Film Institute ranks "Raiders" as one of the top 100 films of all-time and Indiana Jones as one of the top cinematic heroes second only to Atticus Finch from "To Kill A Mockingbird". The truck chase wasn't directed by Spielberg (he did the close-ups afterwards), but was helned by second unit director, Norman Reynolds. Tom Selleck was originally cast to play Jones but had to back out due to contractual agreements with Universal and CBS for "Magnum P.I." (I think it would have been a different film. I saw a "Raiders" screen test with him and Sean Young and he came off very obnoxious). Danny DeVito was offered the role for Sallah but declined due to scheduling conflicts with "Taxi". The scene where the Nazi officer was supposed to shoot Sallah was filmed but couldn't be used, becuase of black smoke from burning tires in one take, and in another actor John-Rhyes Davies getting sick and filling his jallaba (and he didn't care one bit). "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is one truly great adventure worth taking over & over again. No matter what George Lucas calls it. ... Read more | |
| 9. High Anxiety Director: Mel Brooks | |
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Amazon.com essential video Reviews (38)
This film is a parody on many of Alfred Hitchcock's thrillers such as "Vertigo" (the main theme), "Psycho", "The Birds" and "The Man Who Knew Too Much". Dr. Thorndyke teams up with Victoria Brisbane (Kahn) who was in search of her father Arthur Brisbane who had been held at the Institute for the Very, Very Nervous against his will along with many of the patients by Dr. Montague and Nurse Diesel who have also attempted plots on the life of Dr. Thorndyke. Like all of Mel Brooks films, this movie will make anyone roll on the floor in laughter from start to finish as a lot of the unexpected occurs throughout such as the rock with a note tied to it come smashing through Dr. Thorndyke's bathroom window from the violent ward at the institute while brushing his teeth or the filming crew doing silly things like breaking a window pane with the camera lens. One of the best parts was when Brooks and Kahn dress and act like an old Yiddish couple attempting to go through security screening with a loaded gun at San Francisco Airport, "I BEEPED! I BEEPED!" This movie is great for Mel Brooks fans and a film that is highly recommended. "High Anxiety, You Win!" ... Read more | |
| 10. The Passion of the Christ Director: Mel Gibson | |
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Reviews (970)
The film revolves around the last 12 hours of Jesus Christ's life on Earth. As a viewer who's actually read the New Testament before laying judgement on the film's accuracy, I'd say there was extremely little deviation from the original Gospels. The film is an overwhelmingly emotional roller coaster ride beginning at Jesus' mock trial under Pontius Pilate to His crucifixion and resurrection. The fact that the entire script was spoken in Aramaic and Latin lends credit to director Mel Gibson's seriousness in portraying the events as accurately as possible. The film was violent and bloody, but no more than the average reel spewing forth from Hollywood nowadays, none of which receive so much as a blink for their levels of gratuitous violence. But then again, none of those films promote Christianity. Hmm.... The film was no more anti-Semetic than "Schindler's List" was anti-German or "Seven Years in Tibet" was anti-Chinese. This film simply portrayed events as we know them historically. The Jewish high priests happened to be one group of people who wanted Jesus dead. The Romans and Pharisees were the true villians of the movie, nor was Jesus spared betrayal by even his own Apostles. The movie does, on the other hand, show two Jewish high priests defending Jesus' innocence at his trial, and it shows Simon being mocked by a Roman guard for being Jewish. These two events I do not recall reading in the New Testament, lending creedence to Mel Gibson's effort to make the film NOT anti-Semetic. The high priests condemned Jesus to death, but it was the Roman guards who took true sadistic pleasure in His suffering. The violence and bloodshed served a purpose. It was to show what Jesus went through, the amount of pain He suffered, for mankind. Reading it in a few Biblical passages is one thing, viewing it on the big screen for two hours straight puts a different perspective on it. The entire movie intertwined scenes of Christ's suffering with scenes of Him earlier in time giving sermons on love and forgiveness. This served to cement the fact that Jesus did not just practice what He preached. The most emotional scene was probably when Jesus was being nailed to the cross, the whole time praying for God to forgive His persecutors. I've seen the film three times since it premiered five days ago, and I plan to see it many more times before it comes out on DVD. To warn you, the film makes you feel about an inch tall, but it is a much needed reminder of just what sacrifices were made by Him on our behalf. The closing scene was my favorite, and I hope you watch to see what it is. Amen and Hallelujah!
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